Dear Texas,
Thank you for John Wayne. I realize he was born in Iowa, but I have a feeling you still had something to do with it. It's kinda like when a dad lets his kid win in sports even though the kid sucks.
Also, thank you for the technology that will allow us to unfreeze his body once we have a cure for cancer and unleash him on the Chinese, Iranians, and anyone else who the Duke disagrees with.
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