Dear Texas,

Your inaction in my everyday life has caused me to no longer believe in you. I'm now down with New Hampshire.

Dear Texas,

We now know the price of messing with you: a $270 and a lot of effort to swim over to one of your ridiculous cops who stakes out a river with binoculars. I get the point Texas, I won’t mess with you. Jesus you take this shit seriously.

May 29, 2007

Dear Texas,

Thank you for granting the NFL the wisdom to locate the 2011 Super Bowl in the state that will surely provide the BIGGEST event possible. I assure you your citizens will not disappoint. Our cowboy hats and old high school j.v. football jerseys will be on display.

May 25, 2007

Dear Texas,

Thank you for my senior year of high school. I had a rough class schedule:
Slant Routes 2
NCAA Violations
Nickel D 3
Advanced West Coast Offense Theory
Algebra (they let me play school at football)
College Car Salesman (AP)

Junior year sucked with all the prerequisites to get into those classes.

May 24, 2007

Dear Texas,

Thank you for Texas Country legends who have taught us how to have drug and alcohol problems at early ages, and that they are not only ok, but celebrated. We thank you for your first son, Willie Nelson, and all of the lessons he has taught us. Mostly, thank you for letting him live to be 140 years old. We will never get sick of hearing songs about "San Antone", "driving on I-35", "I got in a fight in a border town", "Beer rocks", "I smoke pot but still wear cowboy boots and beat the shit out of hippies", "I got wasted last night in San Antone", "I live in a high rise modern loft but pretend I'm a cowboy 3 times a year on my friends hunting lease", "Lets get drunk and high, bitch about Nashville, hang out with friends and write songs, complain about Nashville again, snort stuff, write a good song, sell out in Nashville". Texas I love you, and your country music.

May 23, 2007

Dear Texas,

Thank you for making it so that I can't drive 20 minutes from my house without seeing a business that has a big Texas flag as part of its logo. If you haven't done business with someone called AllTex something or Lone Star somebody or other, or Texas such and such, you hadn't lived for too long. Thank you for being different from all those other states: can anyone even tell me what a flag of New Mexico looks like? Thank you, Texas.

May 22, 2007

Dear Texas,

You're so funny. Like that time you let all those Indians play in your blessed lands and then either killed them, or made them go to New Mexico or Oklahoma. Thanks for the laugh Texas, you're sense of humor and distaste for Redskins gets me every time.

On this note, would you consider making Andrew Jackson an honorary Texan? The trail of tears was right up your alley.